Ask anyone how important it is that they find the ‘perfect’ partner and you’ll discover that most will say they are looking for compatibility - not perfection - someone who accepts them for who they are and not who they wanted them to be. And although compatibility can be assessed, it is ultimately determined by each individual. So are we looking for compatibility - or perfection?

Perfection is an undefinable characteristic because it is relative. The perfect person to me may be completely unacceptable to you. And as we age our expectations change so that the ‘perfect’ person either needs to change along with our needs or they will no longer fit the bill.

Beauty & the Beast

Perfection encompasses all the factors of human interaction and attraction (gracious, generous, kind, social, intelligent, etc.), but our outward appearance is the first attribute that is considered if someone is looking for a ‘perfect’ mate. Many women believe that men expect nothing less than perfection in the looks department and understandably so. If you’ve ever glanced at any of today’s popular men’s magazines, the women you’ll find there are unbelievably beautiful and portrayed as ready, willing and able to accommodate anything a man may want.

It’s a superficial guy who looks past every good looking woman, determined to hook up with a beauty. This jerk needs to be reminded of the Venus Flytrap that attracts its prey by its beauty - only to consume it. Outer beauty can cover up a host of negatives.

But just because a guy appreciates a beautiful woman doesn’t mean that he won’t fall for an average looking gal. The fact is that most men never expect to hook up with a woman who is over-the-top attractive; they’re looking for an authentic, confident woman. Beauty is never a reliable indication of character. A woman who is aware of and willing to expose her imperfections, who balances the desire to improve herself, yet is accepting of her current status, is more endearing to most men.

Womens’ Lib & the Average Dude

On the other opposite end of the spectrum, the media would have us believe that women are so empowered by their liberation that they are indifferent to the attributes of the average guy, holding off until the perfect man comes along. But that’s just not the case, women are looking for a well-balanced, steady, reliable guy, with looks being low on their list. A man that can accept and appreciate her intelligence, show respect for individuality and makes her feel special doesn’t need to be perfect - he just needs to be willing to work at their relationship.

Looking Beyond Appearances

If you aim for perfection, you’ll find that it’s a moving target; the truth is that it doesn’t exist. All we can see is the surface of the people around us and very little of what is happening underneath. The best we can hope for is to be perfectly loved. Unquestionable trust, commitment and devotion are traits that crosses gender lines. And to be honest, perhaps it’s good that no one is perfect; perfection would be boring. All of our little imperfections make us unique.