Incessant talkers, everyone knows one, the person who hogs the limelight and hardly takes a breath between sentences for fear of loosing center stage. Listening to someone’s long-winded escapades or self-congratulatory success stories may be a deal breaker in friendship or love. When it comes to dating, the gift of gab can be disastrous, even if it’s the result of frazzled nerves. 

Being understood is a basic human need that makes room for intimacy and connection. Relationships are built on understanding each other and the ability and willingness to communicate. And the best way to understand the needs of your friends or partner is by listening to them.

Listen and Learn
When the only viewpoint you hear is your own, intellectually it will be like standing in a stagnant swamp - nothing is moving, circulating or growing. Without feedback, we might as well be living in a vacuum. On the other hand, when you listen carefully, allow others to speak and don’t pretend to know what you don’t know, you will be privy to opinions and views that you may not have otherwise learned on your own and will expand your knowledge and be challenged to think outside the box.

Listening is a Team Sport
People who listen are essentially team players. They understand the importance of putting their best out front, but they also hold back and observe the other person’s actions, working to keep a balance between speaking and listening. Good communicators don’t force people to hear them out, they invite them on a journey of mutual respect and understanding, allowing the ebb and flow of the conversation to run its own course.

Improve Your Listening  Skills
So, what can you do to improve your listening skills?  In its simplest terms, a good listener is interested, rather than interesting. Learning to listen is like learning a new conversation style, and it takes conscientious effort. You will come to understand that a conversation is not a challenge or a battle of wits but a meeting of minds and a way to make a deeper connection.

• Put Others First - Changing focus from me-centered to you-centered needs to be made on an ongoing basis. When your energies are put into recognizing and acknowledging the other person, you will be less inclined to talk about yourself. Everyone craves someone to notice and listen to what they have to say - be that person!
• Ask Questions - Sometimes you may be overly chatty because the person you’re with is shy or reserved. Ask the other person questions about themselves. Listen to what is being said, then join in whenever the subject crosses into interests or experiences you share.
• Give Feedback - Responses like “Uh-huh” or “Hmm, I see” could just as easily be said by a dummy and may come across as indifferent, or worse, boredom. Show that you’re actively listening and are genuinely interested in what is being said by responding with anecdotes or comments.
• Watch for Balance - A long story or dialog is perfectly fine, as long as you’re aware and don’t dominate to the exclusion of the other person. If you find yourself getting carried away and dominating, step back and change the focus back to the other person with a question.

Relationships will be more productive and enjoyable when you understand and practice the give-and-take of listening and speaking. Over time it will become the natural way you communicate and you’ll see the benefits in all of your relationships.