Are you one of the nice guys out there who believes that women only fall for the bad boys and rarely make time for a good guy? Can you relate with the cliche ‘nice guys finish last’? At the same time, women are always asking the opposite question, “Where are all the nice guys?” Seems a little confusing…

You’re the guy in the crowd who isn’t interested in chug-a-lugging beer until you pass out. You’re also not the one who throws the first punch to defend your honor. You’re dependable, average in the looks department, a good listener, trustworthy and loyal. You have plenty of women ‘friends’ and everyone says what a great guy you are and that you’d be a great catch. But even with all the traits that women claim to look for in a man, you’re striking out in dating department. So what’s really going on?

First off, guys, you aren’t being turned down because you’re too nice! Niceness is a positive characteristic. Women aren’t consciously rating the guys they meet. They’re not saying, “Hmmm, he seems really cool except that he’s just too thoughtful.” If you’re rejected by every woman you meet, just know that it’s not about whether you’re too nice or too caring.

The difference between Mr. Nice Guy and a Nice Guy
The characteristics that make a man desirable to a woman include all those listed above. But the point that many miss is the difference between a nice guy and Mr. Nice Guy. A nice guy is genuine, while Mr. Nice Guy is working hard to convince you of his perfection. A nice guy is actually nice, while Mr. Nice Guy is angry and disillusioned about finding love. In fact, he may be hiding a narcissistic bend and a need to be dominant. Women are looking for a shared relationship, while Mr. Nice Guy is looking to be the big cheese.

A nice guy, on the other hand, is able to remain independent, freely expressing his opinion and even risking disappointing or bringing on an argument. Another aspect is his ability and willingness to empathize, to consider the emotions of others and to be sensitive to their needs.

Mr. Nice Guy is emotional, but lacks sensitivity. He imposes his emotions on a situation with expectations that his partner feel the same. He can’t make the distinction between how he feels and why she doesn’t feel the same.

Women love a bit of mystery
Women are looking for strength of character, self-confidence and a sense of mystery - traits that are often lacking in Mr. Nice Guy. An inner strength wrapped in a quiet, confident man is an attractive trait for many women. Mr. Nice Guy may come across as needy. He may share his emotions and experiences that belie his insecurities. His date may hear every heartbreaking story about being dumped or why his mother calls twice a day. While he is telling his women friends about the problems in his life he is being labeled as a loser in the love department.

Mr. Nice Guy has a hard time making a decision and rarely takes command of a conversation. And just like the rest of us, he just wants to be loved and will do just about anything to gain your acceptance. Women often can’t tell if ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ likes them for who they are or if he has attached himself because she paid him some attention.

Dating a nice guy
Living a balanced life, confident in his masculinity, assertive, self-assured but also able to show compassion, romance and love are the characteristics that define a nice guy. A nice guy is adventurous, funny and strong and the kind of man that women are hoping to build a future with.