Incessant talkers, everyone knows one, the person who hogs the limelight and hardly takes a breath between sentences for fear of loosing center stage. Listening to someone’s long-winded escapades or self-congratulatory success stories may be a deal breaker in friendship or love. When it comes to dating, the gift of gab can be disastrous, even if it’s the result of frazzled nerves. 

Being understood is a basic human need that makes room for intimacy and connection. Relationships are built on understanding each other and the ability and willingness to communicate. And the best way to understand the needs of your friends or partner is by listening to them.

Internet dating has lost much of its negative stigma that only awkward or desperate people would try to find love online. It is now one of the fastest growing ways to improve your social life and is influencing not only individual lives but our cultural notions of love and attraction. We identify desirable partners in the traditional way using sensory perception and personal interaction, but with the advent of the Internet and online dating, the process has been completely redefined.

Back in 1995, the only way to meet someone was through friends, colleagues, work, nightclubs and blind dates. Online dating came on the scene in 2000 and began to slowly emerge as the Internet became accessible to more people. Online dating is now a $300 million industry in the U.S. alone, and according to the US Census, 40% of American singles have tried finding love online. So why should you consider foregoing the traditional dating routine for the Internet? Although the best strategy would be to take advantage of both, here are some reasons to give online dating a try.

A balanced relationship is often described as a relationship of equals. But that is a misnomer. Couples who are looking for equality will struggle with an endless stream of mental arithmetic to keep a balanced scorecard, only to find out that equality is an unrealistic fantasy.

Consider a two-pan beam scale, like the one that symbolizes justice, perfectly balanced. The delicate balance of the scale is not dependent upon the specific contents of each pan. In fact, each side may hold elements that have no resemblance to each other or anything in common. This is a metaphor for a balanced relationship.

A ‘healthy relationship’ – what does one look like? Can you ever hope to have one? If you consider the media portrayal of relationships – ridiculously happy or drama filled and miserable, you may begin to wonder. But the truth of having a healthy relationship lies somewhere in the middle. You’ll never find a couple in complete misery or utter happiness all the time.

By observing the relationships of our family and friends, we may come to the conclusion that having a healthy relationship is a hopeless case of fantasy because of the dysfunction we see. But do we have false expectations? Maybe these relationships aren’t dysfunctional at all.

Why do so many relationships, romantic or otherwise, begin with the thrill and excitement of great possibilities only to dwindle and fail over time? One reason that is often overlooked is an imbalance of authority and control in the relationship. Or, put in simpler terms - insecurity and neediness. Needy people are often clingy, controlling, possessive, jealous and demanding. Other, more friendly terms we use to describe a needy person are ‘high-maintenance’ or ‘difficult’.

People relate with each other by using three different approaches:  passive, aggressive or assertive behavior. While most of us are familiar with the passive or aggressive nature of a friend or loved one, we may not recognize an assertive personality. People often mistake assertiveness for aggressiveness, but there are some key differences between these approaches to relationships.

Assertiveness is the sweet spot between being too aggressive and too passive. Based on mutual respect, assertiveness is the ability to express yourself effectively and to stand up for your point of view, thoughts and feelings, while at the same time diplomatically respecting those of others. Assertive people defend themselves when someone attempts to dominate them;  they only use aggression in defense of their personal boundaries.

The thrill of opening an email from someone who has found you through a social media or online dating site can be the highlight of your day. Having a virtual stranger find you attractive or interesting can be a real ego boost. But this moment of exhilaration is far from the reality of your desire to establish a serious, long-term relationship, and the exchange will go nowhere if you don’t take action. To reach your goal, you need to know how to make the transition from online exchanges to an in-person date.

Staying active on the dating or social media site is probably the most important factor when trying to hook up for more than a one-night-stand. Anyone looking for a serious relationship will log in regularly and answer their emails. One of the biggest complaints from online daters is a delayed or, even worse, a lack of response from the people they try to connect with. Responding to an email a week or more after the initial contact sends the message that you’re not that serious about finding a partner or that you’re only interested in fun and games.

Ask anyone how important it is that they find the ‘perfect’ partner and you’ll discover that most will say they are looking for compatibility - not perfection - someone who accepts them for who they are and not who they wanted them to be. And although compatibility can be assessed, it is ultimately determined by each individual. So are we looking for compatibility - or perfection?

Perfection is an undefinable characteristic because it is relative. The perfect person to me may be completely unacceptable to you. And as we age our expectations change so that the ‘perfect’ person either needs to change along with our needs or they will no longer fit the bill.

The ability to trust and, in turn be trusted, is an important aspect of our identity that defines how we relate to other people. When another person can confidently rely on your character, strengths and abilities, you have gained their trust. This is especially important with loved one’s since trust forms the foundation for successful, long-term relationships, something we often take for granted.  So how do you build trust and maintain a happy, healthy relationship? Here are some tips:

It takes a leap of faith to be trusting. In any type of relationship, there are different levels of trust: assurance that what you say will be kept in confidence, a promise of fidelity, or the ‘for better or worse’ marriage vows. You may have fleeting thoughts of mistrust for example, about cheating or that you can’t show your true self for fear of rejection - these are normal human emotions. But when there is an unresolved, persistent lack of trust or an intuitive sense of betrayal, a rift is made in the intimacy of the relationship, even if there is no evidence to backup this feeling.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could know for sure if that special someone was really into you? Mixed signals, like constantly calling, staring or flirting with you in a group situation, and then ignoring you in public or not asking you on a date can make it difficult to figure out.

People show their interest in the opposite sex as instinctively as male peacocks display their large colorful tails while performing a dance for the female. But the displays are not always so obvious. You’ll need to develop your listening and observation skills to interpret subtle hints. Look for the following signals to see if they might be into you.